英语文章,TED,英语演讲,性教育,Getting my daughter a vibrator started me on a journey of thinking about the importance of empowering teenage girls, helping them to learn about their bodies and gain a sense of ownership of their bodies, including embracing their right to pleasure.
So if you have a kid in high school, it isn't a question of if they'll watch porn before they graduate, but more likely, when.
This means that a lot of our kids are getting their sex education and trying to figure out what's normal from pornography.
To illustrate why we can’t leave our kids alone to navigate this sexual terrain, I want to share a story with you. Several years ago,
Why I gave my teenage daughter a vibrator为什么我送给我十几岁的女儿一个震动棒
演讲原文对照：
| No | English | 中文 |
|---|---|---|
| 1 | Six years ago, when my older daughter was 13, I bought her a vibrator. | 六年前，当我的大女儿13岁的时候，我给她买了一个振动棒。 |
| 2 | I'm done. OK. | 我完了。好的。 |
| 3 | It wasn't something I planned on doing. I mean, I knew eventually my daughters would need bras and tampons, maybe braces, but a vibrator was not on the list. So why did I do it? | 这不是我打算做的事情。我的意思是，我知道我的女儿们最终会需要胸罩和卫生棉条，也许是牙套，但是振动器不在清单上。那我为什么要这么做呢？ |
| 4 | Before I explain why, I want to acknowledge that I might have made some of you a little uncomfortable or a lot uncomfortable. So before I explain why, I want to ask you a question. Why are we more comfortable talking about female pain -- things like period cramps, breast cancer, birthing pains, miscarriages and sexual assault -- than we are talking about female pleasure? Why does a vibrator make us uncomfortable but Viagra does not? | 在我解释原因之前，我想承认我可能让一些人感到有些不舒服或非常不舒服。所以在我解释原因之前，我想问你一个问题。为什么我们谈论女性的痛苦——比如经期抽筋、乳腺癌、分娩痛、流产和性侵犯——比谈论女性的快感更舒服？为什么振动器会让我们感到不舒服但伟哥却不会？ |
| 5 | Getting my daughter a vibrator started me on a journey of thinking about the importance of empowering teenage girls, helping them to learn about their bodies and gain a sense of ownership of their bodies, including embracing their right to pleasure. This is one reason that my own daughters encouraged me to include their stories in this talk. | 给我女儿买个振动棒让我踏上了思考增强少女权能的重要性的旅程，帮助她们了解自己的身体，获得对自己身体的主人翁感，包括拥抱快乐的权利。这是我自己的女儿们鼓励我在这次演讲中加入她们的故事的一个原因。 |
| 6 | So I'm going to talk to you today about sex, specifically in regards to our teenage daughters. I know we don't like to think about our teenagers having sex and because of societal double standards, especially our girls. But here's why we need to have this conversation, as uncomfortable as it may make us. Girls typically develop a desire for sexual contact between the ages of 11 and 14. Between the ages of 15 and 19, 42 percent of them have had vaginal and/or oral sex. Through the cell phones right in their back pockets, 57 percent of girls and 84 percent of boys between the ages of 14 and 18 have watched pornography through Pornhub and hundreds of similar sites. | 所以我今天要和大家谈谈性，特别是关于我们十几岁的女儿的性问题。我知道我们不喜欢考虑我们的青少年发生性行为，也因为社会的双重标准，尤其是我们的女孩。但这就是为什么我们需要进行这样的对话，尽管这可能会让我们感到不舒服。女孩通常在11至14岁之间产生性接触的欲望。在15至19岁之间，其中42％的人有过阴道和/或口交。通过后口袋里的手机，57%的女孩和84%的男孩在14到18岁之间通过Pornhub和数百个类似网站观看了色情内容。 |
| 7 | So if you have a kid in high school, it isn't a question of if they'll watch porn before they graduate, but more likely, when. This means that a lot of our kids are getting their sex education and trying to figure out what's normal from pornography. To illustrate why we can’t leave our kids alone to navigate this sexual terrain, I want to share a story with you. Several years ago, I worked with an incredibly intelligent 14-year-old girl, helping her manage her overall life stressors. During one session, she asked if she could ask me a question about sex. She said that she was confused about the bases and wondered if it was really true that second base was anal sex. | 因此，如果你有一个孩子在读高中，那不是他们是否会在毕业之前看色情片的问题，而是更有可能在什么时候看。这意味着我们的许多孩子都在接受性教育，并试图从色情内容中弄清楚什么是正常的。为了说明为什么我们不能让孩子一个人去探索这个性爱领域，我想和你分享一个故事。几年前，我和一个非常聪明的14岁女孩一起工作，帮助她管理生活中的整体压力。在一次会议中，她问能否问我一个关于性的问题。她说她对基地感到困惑，想知道二垒是肛交是否真的。 |
| 8 | I was as shocked as you are. And yes, when I asked her, she did know what anal sex is. She had gotten her information from watching a few porn clips her friends had showed her during study hall at school. Thankfully, because of the trusting relationship she had with me, she was able to have this misconception corrected and her anxiety about it relieved. With her permission, I was also able to loop her mom in on the conversation so she could be a resource for her daughter. | 我和你一样震惊。是的，当我问她的时候，她确实知道什么是肛交。她是通过观看朋友们在学校自习室给她看的几段色情片段中获得信息的。值得庆幸的是，由于她与我的信任关系，她得以纠正这种误解，缓解了对此的焦虑。在她的允许下，我还能够让她妈妈参与谈话，这样她就可以成为女儿的资源。 |
| 9 | I've worked hard to cultivate this type of relationship with my own daughters. So when my 13-year-old said, “Mom, can I ask you a question?” ... kid speak for "be prepared for anything," | 我一直在努力与自己的女儿建立这种关系。所以当我13岁的孩子说：“妈妈，我能问你一个问题吗？”...这是孩子的说法，意味着“为任何事情做好准备”， |
| 10 | I listened. Which is why, sitting at a stoplight on a summer morning, my daughter felt comfortable telling me she had started to masturbate and was even willing to share with me what she was using to do so. This is how I learned that she was masturbating in a way that was not safe for her body. And so, in a span of one red light, I decided to buy my daughter a vibrator. I wanted to support her in the safe exploration of her body instead of burying my head in the sand, which is so tempting to do as parents with things that make us uncomfortable. | 我听了。这就是为什么在夏日的早晨，我女儿坐在红绿灯前，告诉我她已经开始自慰了，甚至愿意和我分享她用什么来自慰。我就是这样得知她以一种对身体不安全的方式自慰的。所以，在一盏红灯之间，我决定给我女儿买一个振动棒。我想支持她安全地探索自己的身体，而不是选择逃避，这对于让我们感到不舒服的事情来说，作为父母是非常诱人的。 |
| 11 | When it comes to sex, we all need to become trusted resources for our kids. They need to be comfortable coming to us with questions and know they will get straight answers. And while this is certainly true in regards to accurate information, sometimes it's also about giving them the appropriate tool. | 在性方面，我们都需要成为孩子值得信赖的资源。他们需要乐于向我们提问，并知道他们会得到直接的答案。虽然在准确的信息方面确实如此，但有时也要为他们提供适当的工具。 |
| 12 | When we talk about girls knowing and exploring their bodies, it's easy to get uncomfortable. But girls becoming familiar with their bodies is about health. Masturbation helps girls reduce stress, ease headaches and alleviate cramps associated with their periods. When girls explore their bodies, they learn how their bodies feel when they are healthy, which also helps them recognize changes and potential problems. They have to touch their bodies to know their bodies. | 当我们谈论女孩认识和探索自己的身体时，很容易感到不舒服。但是女孩熟悉自己的身体与健康息息相关。手淫可以帮助女孩减轻压力，缓解头痛并缓解与月经相关的抽筋。当女孩探索自己的身体时，她们会了解自己健康时的身体感受，这也有助于她们识别变化和潜在的问题。他们必须触摸自己的身体才能知道自己的身体。 |
| 13 | This became clear to me when I was working with one of my adult clients after her diagnosis with stage four breast cancer. As we discussed her prognosis, she said to me, "Robin, if I'd only done my breast checks, maybe I would have caught it sooner. Maybe I wouldn't be dying." But my client had been raised believing that touching herself was inappropriate. On the few occasions she did a breast check, she didn't know what was typical, and she rushed through them feeling embarrassed. When girls are comfortable touching their bodies, whether for self breast checks or for pleasure, they learn about their bodies. | 这一点对我变得清晰，当我在她被诊断出第四阶段乳腺癌后，与我一位成年客户一起工作时。当我们讨论她的预后时，她对我说，“罗宾，如果我只做乳房检查，也许我会早点发现的。也许我不会死。”但是我的委托人从小就认为触摸自己是不恰当的。有几次她做乳房检查，她不知道什么是典型的，她冲过检查时感到尴尬。当女孩舒服地触摸自己的身体时，无论是为了自我乳房检查还是为了娱乐，她们都会了解自己的身体。 |
| 14 | And when they know their bodies, they can better own their bodies. This is important when it comes to sex. Too often, others are dictating what girls should expect, want and put up with. These expectations are being set by pornography, social media, politicians and partners who are either much more experienced or equally inexperienced. I mean, let's face it. What does the average teenage boy know about the female clitoris or the female orgasm? | 而且，当他们知道自己的身体时，他们可以更好地拥有自己的身体。当涉及到性时，这一点很重要。很多时候，其他人决定女孩应该期望，想要，和忍受什么。这些期望是由色情制品、社交媒体、政治家和合作伙伴设定的，他们要么经验更丰富，要么同样缺乏经验。我的意思是，让我们面对现实吧。普通的十几岁的男孩对女性阴蒂或女性性高潮了解多少？ |
| 15 | Given the statistics that about 15 percent of women have never had an orgasm and 81 percent of women do not orgasm through vaginal sex, it is important for our girls to know that it's OK to figure out what gives them pleasure. And that they don't have to rely on someone else for that pleasure. | 有统计数据表明，大约15％的女性从未达到过性高潮，81％的女性没有通过阴道性交达到性高潮，因此重要的是要让我们的女孩知道弄清楚是什么能给她们带来快乐。而且他们不必依靠别人来获得这种乐趣。 |
| 16 | This can help them make choices which benefit them. As an example, another one of my clients shared with me that she uses her vibrator before she goes on any date. | 这可以帮助他们做出有利于他们的选择。举个例子，我的另一位客户与我分享说，她在约会之前都会使用振动器。 |
| 17 | This way, she can make judgments about the date based on the person and their connection rather than on hormones. | 这样，她就可以根据个人及其关系而不是荷尔蒙来判断日期 |
| 18 | And then when our daughters do decide to have sex with someone else, they will know enough about their sexual pleasure to be able to communicate what feels good to their partners. They won't have to follow the outdated norms of tolerating unsatisfying experiences, faking it, or even believing that their sole purpose is to serve someone else's pleasure. Our daughters will get the message that their wants and needs are important. | 然后，当我们的女儿决定与他人发生性关系时，她们就会对自己的性快感了解得足够多，从而能够向伴侣传达感觉良好的东西。他们不必遵循过时的规范，即容忍不令人满意的经历、伪造经历，甚至不必相信自己的唯一目的是为别人的快乐服务。我们的女儿们会得到这样的信息：她们的需求和需求很重要。 |
| 19 | Learning not to be ashamed of their sexual pleasure is not limited to girls and young women. I worked with a 65-year-old woman who had never, ever had an orgasm. She came to me for coaching because she felt demoralized. She had recently retired from her vice-president position, feeling pushed out by her company as they hired younger executives. She had two goals for coaching. The first was to find new ways to spend her time which gave her purpose. The second one was, and I quote, "to try out an orgasm." | 学会不要为自己的性快感感到羞耻不仅限于女孩和年轻女性。我和一位65岁的女性一起工作，她从来没有达到过性高潮。她来找我执教是因为她感到士气低落。她最近从副总裁职位退休，因为公司雇用了年轻的高管，她感到自己被赶出去了。她有两个执教目标。首先是寻找新的方式来消磨时间，这赋予了她目标。第二个是，我引用，“尝试高潮”。 |
| 20 | When she was ready, my client bought herself a vibrator and began learning about her body for the first time in her life. I will never forget the day when she came to our session, sat down demurely and said with a big, beautiful grin, "Second goal achieved." | 当她准备好时，我的客户给自己买了一个振动棒，这是她有生以来第一次开始了解她的身体。我永远不会忘记她参加我们会议的那一天，她谦虚地坐下来，带着灿烂而漂亮的笑容说，“第二个目标实现了。” |
| 21 | As she continued to learn about herself and her sexual pleasure, my client stopped referring to herself as old. She accepted a board position for a national nonprofit. She even created a profile on eHarmony. | 当她继续了解自己和性快感时，我的委托人不再称自己年纪大了。她接受了一家全国性非营利组织的董事会职位。她甚至在eHarmony上创建了个人资料. |
| 22 | Can I say it was simply due to the orgasm? Of course not. But in asking for more from this one area of her life, she realized she could do the same in other areas of her life. | 我能说这仅仅是因为性高潮吗？当然不是。但是，在要求从生活的这一领域获得更多内容时她意识到自己可以在生活的其他领域做同样的事情。 |
| 23 | We can help our daughters adopt this perspective long before my client did. We can support their healthy sexual development, but even more, by doing so, we empower their entire sense of selves. This is about helping our girls step into their power, raising them to become strong women who can speak up for themselves, whether they are in the bedroom or in the boardroom. | 我们可以帮助我们的女儿在我的委托人之前很久就采用这种观点。我们可以支持他们的健康性发育，但更重要的是，通过这样做，我们可以增强他们的全部自我意识。这是为了帮助我们的女孩发挥自己的力量，培养她们成为坚强的女性，无论她们在卧室还是在董事会里，都能为自己说话。 |
| 24 | Recently, my younger daughter reminded me of just how well she can speak up for herself. | 最近，我的小女儿让我想起了她能很好地为自己说话。 |
| 25 | A few months ago, she was out with friends and called to let me know and she'd be home. She's good like that. As we were wrapping up the conversation, she said, "Oh, by the way, mom, my vibrator broke. Can you pick me up a new one?" | 几个月前，她和朋友一起出去打电话告诉我，她就会回家了。她那样很不错。当我们结束谈话时，她说，“哦，顺便说一句，妈妈，我的振动棒坏了。你能给我买个新吗？” |
| 26 | Later on, she told me that after she hung up, her friends said, "We can't believe your mom bought you a vibrator." To which my daughter responded, "I can't believe your moms haven't." | 后来，她告诉我，挂断电话后，她的朋友们说，“我们简直不敢相信你妈妈给你买了振动棒。”我女儿回答说，“我简直不敢相信你妈妈没有。” |
| 27 | Thank you. | 谢谢。 |
end.
Tag: 英语文章 TED 英语演讲 性教育